Poetry Series #3: To live

The Poem

Life is an adventure that one must see through

Every problem a rocky rapid

Every surprise a misty dawn

Every death a waning moon

Every breakup a dying fire

Every love a roaring river

Every struggle a divine battle

Every failure a melancholic sunset

Every friend a beautiful sunrise

Every gain a mountain’s peak

Every loss a wolf’s lonely howl.  Continue reading

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Poetry Series: #1 – The star counters

The Poem

The Star Counters

Counting stars in the velvet ink sky

a hundred different times

in a hundred different ways

a gathering of silence and loneliness

with a thousand different names

and a thousand different lives

straining to see the heavens above

for a million different reasons

and raise a million different sighs

All together and yet crushingly apart

Musings

I wrote this over five years ago in a poetry notebook I used to keep during my high school and undergrad days.  I’d forgotten about it until I came across that very same notebook hidden away among the things I first brought with me four years ago. The only thing I’ve changed since I wrote it back then is the title… back then I never gave anything a title.  I remember that I was in the middle of a pity fest because all my friends had their significant others and I had just broken up with mine so I was feeling lonely and I wasn’t comfortable being alone – because that break-up lost me not only a boyfriend but a best friend of 10+ years.

Musings- Two roads diverged

To start off: a little about me:

I’m a 26 year old Mexican-American with no job and half way through med-school in Mexico. It’ll be a few years before I can get a job that makes me financially independent.

In the past I was an anthropology and latin american studies double major who graduated with honors from Pitzer College and had a spot waiting for me at CGU to get a graduate degree in Museum studies. I also had a job waiting in APU as an assistant to the dean. I was ready to begin my “adult” life and I was more ahead than most since I’d received a full scholarship from Pitzer and I was DEBT-FREE. yes, Imagine that! Most college students are buried in debt when they leave their university but I wasn’t – I was on the ball and ready to start rolling. BUT I still wasn’t all that happy. Yes I had liked my college experience, but my dream had been to be a doctor, and so I packed my bags and left. I don’t know why I didn’t try to get into a Med School in the US – I just didn’t -, instead I chose to do so in my mom’s Alma Mater the UADY Medical Faculty in Mexico.

It’s been an interesting ride. It was really hard to adapt and I spent my first two years in med-school depressed because as it turned out I hadn’t really considered how much I’d leave behind in the US and because despite speaking, writing and reading fluently in Spanish I realized that it was much harder for me to study in that language. It took twice as much time for me to read in Spanish than it ever did in English- my grades weren’t as high as I wished or as I was used to -having never gotten lower than a 90 in 16 years of education previously- I’d never known failure and for me failure was anything less than 90. I know people hated that about me, and I know I sound conceited but that was my reality and maybe part of the reason that I also sometimes felt suffocated, because I knew how much people expected from me.  I ended up taking a year off due to various reasons and now it’s been another two years since I’ve gone back and I’m finishing my fourth year in med-school. I have three more years before I can officially be called Dr. Ramirez.

Sometimes it’s difficult knowing that I could be working and with a master’s degree and have a family already but that I chose to give up my spot at CGU and go down another career path that would set my life on a different timeline- one where I’m financially dependant on my parents for much longer than most and which makes it unviable to be a parent until I’m 30+ which is something that goes against my high school perception of my future.
However it’s not at all bad, since I get to:
1) have a career that opens my life to opportunities to help and maybe just touch another’s life hopefully for the better
2) because I will be an older mom I’ll cherish whatever children I have that much more.
3) I also get to be just a daughter for a little while longer and can enjoy my parents selfishly that much longer too!
4) At the moment because I haven’t settled down I have many options on where to live –
5) I get to live with and enjoy my grandparents in a much closer manner than if I had chosen to settle down since they are fiercely independent and would never choose to live in somebody else’s house no matter how much they love us.
6) I followed my own path and though it may make it tough and sometimes lonely, it’s something I did because I wanted to.

A poem that impacted and has stuck to my heart and been the most influential piece of writing in my life from the first time I read it in my 3rd grade English textbook was Robert Frost’s The Road Not Taken.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day! 
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 

A strange love story. Chapter 1

Title: A strange love story

Chapters 1/?

A/N: This is an original story I’ve decided to write. the story the characters are all mine. Thank You. 

Chapter 1

The day had been sunny, and the temperature mild with a light breeze playing with the trees outside the house. Lyss didn’t know why she kept coming to this house in the middle of the clearing of a forest outside of her hometown Queenslake . She’d been coming here since childhood. She sat on the rocking chair on the wide veranda of the sprawling two story house.

The first time she’d come was she was ten. She’d run away from the drunken fighting between her two childish parents. They’d never hit her or each other, but each time they spoke in their inebrieted state was to sling cutting words that cut each other to the quick and left Lyss crying to see them so destructive. Continue reading

Fallen Leaves in Summer

Fallen Leaves in Summer

When I fell, I asked “I’m still a vibrant and green leaf,

why do I fall? it’s not Autumn yet, I’m not ready yet”

I look up as I float to the ground, my eyes see my brethren,

They’re sad to see me go, I’m the same way,  I wish I could stay

I’ll look at this a different way; Though I had little time

on the tree with them now I’ll float on a wind

that leads me to places unknown I’ll skim along the breeze

and sneak a peek at the windows of those ground-walkers,

smiling as they turn around to see me whisking away, and later

I’ll rest my body on the ground and go to sleep.

Perhaps my end is here, or perhaps it’s just another cycle

that begins and I’ll be part of something greater, something new

I’ll believe in that, for sure that’ll be what will occur.

Janie and the Monster: A short story

Janie and the Monster

Janie was two when a family of three became a family of two. If only the laughing gentle giant who’d held her close, and loved her mother hadn’t left for worlds unknown. If only, so many if only’s since that first separation.

Janie was five when she heard the first plate smashed to pieces by the angry monster. She quivered as she hid underneath her bed covers, unknowingly wetting the bed, afraid that the monster would reach her that night. The next morning Janie awoke to a blue-gray lady ghost slowly removing the covers and quietly taking them without acknowledging Janie’s shame. Janie pretended to sleep until the ghost lady left. Janie missed her mother.  Continue reading